Is This Really a Disorder?

For as long as I could remember I’ve always been bigger than other people. My mom used to tell me I was “big boned” and call me her baby panda for comfort. She always used to keep me away from junk food and tell me “those are the foods that are gonna make you bigger”. So, as a child I never really ate out a lot. 

When I started to gain the freedom of not being told what to eat, I abused it. All the time I would go out and eat at all these fast food places and different restaurants. It was exhilarating to eat out and not be told I couldn’t eat this or that food. 

I never thought that there was going to be a consequence of eating all the time until I went clothes shopping. Slowly but surely, I gained weight and struggled to find clothes that fit me. The most difficult part would be trying to find a pair of jeans that would go over my thighs. It was so disheartening to go shopping. I would come home and plop myself on the couch and eat anything I could get my hands on. I began to find comfort in food. When I would become stressed or sad or just simply bored I would eat large quantities of food and not think much of it. 

Then, when I came to college the binge eating episodes became more frequent. I was lonely and finding it difficult to make friends. I started eating my feelings. I felt like there was not a point making friends when I can sit in my dorm and eat and watch Netflix all weekend long. I didn’t realize that my indulgences were taking a toll on my weight. I would come home from breaks and just here “Looks like you’re gaining the freshmen 15”. Such comments made me continue the habit. But what made the massive eating episodes worse was the guilt that I had afterwards. 

For the next year, I continued to compulsively eat. Even if I wasn’t hungry or I just craved something I would get it and eat large portions of it. When these eating incidents happened it was like I had no control over myself. And when I was done eating I would get extremely mad and upset with myself for letting it happen. 

Recently, something clicked in my head where I knew I had the will power not to let these binge eating episodes happen again. I’m taking it upon myself to start a new healthier eating lifestyle and to eliminate the binging for occurring again. Many people do not realize that binge eating is an actual eating disorder. It’s something that many people including myself struggle with on a day to day basis. Although, I did not seek treatment for my disorder I still advise those who have an eating disorder to get help through the Frostburg State University’s Counseling Center or NationalEating Disorder Association.